UK heatwave survival kit: fans, portable, fitted

The forecast is 35 degrees for three days. You have not planned for this. Here is what to buy this week, ranked by how much cooling you get per pound spent.

Tier 1 - fans (£40 to £120)

Not glamorous but genuinely effective when used right.

Best budget fan: any tower fan £40 to £70 with oscillate function. Do not overspend - a £150 designer fan does not cool more than a £50 one.

Best mid-range: pedestal fan with 40cm blade at £60 to £100. Moves more air, better for a larger room.

Best premium: bladeless tower fan at £250 to £400. Quieter but not more effective.

Rough usage: one fan in the living room, one in the bedroom. £120 total. Solves 40% of the discomfort of a 32-degree indoor temperature.

Tier 2 - a portable air conditioner (£350 to £700)

Real cooling for one room. Not a substitute for fitted air con but genuinely useful in an emergency.

Best budget portable: 9,000 to 10,000 BTU single-hose unit at Argos or Currys, £350 to £450. Works for a small bedroom or home office.

Best mid-range portable: 12,000 BTU dual-hose unit at £500 to £600. Twice as effective as single-hose in an equivalent room. Cools a living room comfortably.

Best premium portable: 14,000 BTU dual-hose with WiFi at £600 to £700. Overkill for most rooms. Buy if you want to schedule from work.

Rough usage: one portable in the bedroom or living room. £400 to £600. Solves 70% of the discomfort in that specific room.

Do not put a portable in a room without a window - the exhaust hose has to vent outside.

Tier 3 - fitted split system (£1,800 to £2,800)

The proper answer. Cools twice as much as a portable, quieter, cheaper to run, lasts 12 to 15 years.

Not going to be installed before the current heatwave ends unless you have exceptional luck with an installer’s cancellation list. But every heatwave installs a fitted system for someone - if you book now, September is comfortably in scope.

Rough usage: one fitted unit in the room you use most. £2,000 to £2,500. Solves 95% of the discomfort in that room for the next decade.

Tier 4 - passive fixes (£20 to £200)

The cheap fixes that most people ignore:

Thermal blackout blinds: £30 to £60 per window. Stop 60% of solar heat gain. Best return on investment of anything in the survival kit.

Reflective window film: £30 to £60 per window DIY. Similar effect to thermal blinds but works even with the blinds open.

Draught excluders on internal doors: £15 each. Keep the cool room cool by isolating it from the hot rest of the house.

External awnings: £200 to £400 per window installed. Stop heat before it reaches the glass. Best long-term investment.

Tier 5 - things not to bother with

Three purchases that internet lists recommend but that do not deliver:

1. Evaporative coolers. Add humidity, do not cool. Useless in a UK damp climate.
2. USB desk fans. Barely move air. Buy a proper fan.
3. “Cooling towels” and “cooling pillows”. Placebo. Save the money.

The order to buy in this week

Rough £200 budget: one tower fan (£50), one pedestal fan (£70), thermal blackout blinds for the master bedroom (£60). Total £180. Solves most of the acute discomfort.

Rough £600 budget: everything above plus a mid-range portable air conditioner (£450). Total £630. Solves 80% of the discomfort in the two rooms you use most.

Rough £2,500 budget: fans and blinds (£180) plus fitted split system for the bedroom or living room booked for September (£2,000 to £2,500). Total under £3,000. Solves 95% of the discomfort next year and for the following decade.

What the heatwave will teach you about next year

If you got through this summer with fans and portables and hated every night of it, that is your signal. Book a fitted install in September. Install dates for autumn are calm, prices are the same as spring, and next June you sleep through the first heatwave without noticing.

Get three fitted quotes for next year

Fill in the quote form and pick “1-3 months” in the timeframe field. Three fixed quotes from vetted North West installers. Install dates for autumn are open.

Or check the prices page for a rough bracket first.